Father’s Day musings
As someone who raised her daughter alone during several periods of time (other times I was blessed with amazing partners who were very involved in co-parenting), I had mixed emotions reading about people greeting single moms on Father’s Day. Then this morning I read about a post written by my friend Bas about this topic, that he decided to take down due to the toxicity of the comments.
We all are gifted with free will, and this is a precious gift. In other words, we are all entitled to our opinion, which will of course be different from person to person - this is a good thing. Our opinions, as much as we believe are our own, are based on our past experiences, relationships, culture, upbringing, and as far as I am concerned, energy from past lives and our ancestral trauma, still very much present in our genetic coding.
When I was a single mom, I never wanted to play both roles. Why would I? It was exhausting enough being a mom.
The Healthy Masculine has innate authority and commands respect in the household, effortlessly.
My friends and clients might be surprised to hear that when my daughter was small, I had no boundaries and unknowingly allowed her to walk all over me - because she was, in effect, me. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a boundary between a mother and a child. When her father would stop by, the energy of the house would change, and my nervous system and my daughter’s would temporarily settle (key word: temporarily!)
Last week I heard about an app to help women find a mate to father a child with - nothing else. As much as I respect other people’s choices, I couldn't help but feel sad. As someone who only got to know her biological father at eighteen, I would not wish it on any child to grow up without a father.
I am totally okay with single mothers claiming Father’s Day - if that makes them feel empowered and happy, it’s all good. But one thing is for sure: my perspective has drastically changed from thinking single motherhood was something cool and to be sought out, so something, in hindsight, that was extremely taxing physically, emotionally and mentally, not only on me, but on the child and the other people involved.
Since this is such a triggering topic, I invite you to pause and reflect before reacting. I so appreciate the diversity of my audience, and also your open-mindedness. During Reiki 2 class yesterday I shared how I want to use social media intentionally for education and inspiration - maybe as an antidote to all the toxicity and vitriol that plagues it.
Thank you for your time, and Happy Father’s Day!