It’s been two months since I was urged to get a biopsy from my doctor. Ever since, I have learned a lot not only about spontaneous remission, natural self-healing protocols and practices, but most of all about myself. I have been practicing to receive (help) gratefully, as the third precept of Reiki invites us to do.
This week I sought out and received a powerful Theta Healing session from my dear friend Paulette in Peru. Theta Healing is one of many systems of energy healing (examples of others are: Reiki, Pranic Healing, Seraphim Blueprint, to name a few). As a first level Theta Healing practitioner I know how powerful it can be when used purposefully and skillfully. Part of the practice involves remote viewing and “digging”, which I thought would benefit my current journey to healing. I wanted to share what came out of my session with Paulette, with her permission.
During the remote viewing portion, I was hoping to get a clean bill of health from Paulette (a less toxic approach than radiation!). She told me that what she saw inside of me was pure white light, as if I was flooded with it, and it filled my every cell. She confirmed that this was a good sign, albeit unusual, and to keep doing what I was doing. This was helpful, because although I can feel that I am healing, there is always that seed of self-doubt that can germinate if not addressed. Mine was saying: “you are deluding yourself.” Most days, I am able to manage it, thankfully! The image of my body being flooded with light was one I could resonate with entirely, given the practices I have been diligently applying ever since that test on February 7.
Next came the “digging” part: I still had unanswered questions as to why part of my body was going rogue on me in this manner. The breast area is associated with the heart chakra, which can be blocked (hello heart disease, respiratory illness and breast cancer) when resentment builds up over time. I racked my brain to look for what resentment I was holding on to but could not come up with anything. I had a vague notion of what this could have been linked to (the Father Wound) but wanted a clarification. To my surprise, what came up for Paulette was Grief, Sadness and Motherhood. Putting that all together, I knew this was about the postpartum trauma I thought I had already processed and healed a long time ago.
Some of you already know about this because I refer to it regularly, but when my daughter (who, incidentally, celebrated a milestone into womanhood this week) was about two months old, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and was prescribed antidepressant medication. As a young mother, I was isolated, far from family and friends in a small village in the Alps. As idyllic as that may sound, the reality was a sense of loneliness and lack of support for this big city girl.
The medication worked wonders - or so I thought. In a matter of months, I got my life back on track… in a sense. I was propelled out of the depression and into an office job and a divorce. The thing is, this type of powerful medication acts like a cover up and a band-aid.. Something I know now, but I didn’t know then. Cognitively, I was able to function again in society, but deep inside, I had not done the necessary processing of the sadness and grief that I needed to do in order to step into Motherhood as a ‘complete’ human being. So these unprocessed emotions were buried deep inside all this time… until they came out two months ago.
I shared with Paulette that I had also just submitted a proposal in my research class for grad school about healing postpartum depression through Reiki and meditation. All of a sudden all my questions were answered. The whys had found an answer, just when I had allowed myself to be comfortable with Not Knowingness.
Paulette and I both had to pause in a moment of awe at the infinite beauty of synchronicity, Divine purpose and Timing.
Part of me has always been wary of anti depression meds but I didn’t have a clear rationale to verbalize it. I have even felt shame for feeling this way, because I feared my clients and students on meds would think I was judging them. And yet I have no judgment - we all have free choice on how to treat our suffering. But now I am certain that this is not a good solution in the long term because mental illness always has a message and is a signpost to what needs healing.
Back when I was twenty-eight, I had none of the tools I have today - I had stopped meditating regularly as I had done in college. I would never tell someone not to take meds if that is what they feel is best for them. But now I can see in hindsight the damage it can do. Emotions are energy - they cannot be zapped by a pill. They have to be felt, experienced and processed to uncover their life-giving gifts.
For all those who are worried about me and my health… I am happier than ever, and I am also filled with light! Sending lots of love - may Eostre, the goddess of the Dawn, bless you with a million light-filled cherry blossoms!
Photo: Lorna Bondoc